lost, alone, death is close
by totem
Summary: A letter written to piper and Prue. Is this a final good bye?
1. Default Chapter

'Lost, alone, death is close'  
  
Piper and Prue, I have waited too long for the phone call, just the one that would have helped me through this; I can not wait any longer for the sound of your voices to once again return to the manor, this is it. My last goodbyes until we, once again meet. I don't want to allow anymore pain in; I just want it to end. Prue you were right, my life has become what you always expected, worthless I have become nothing but a big disappointment and for that I am truly sorry. My mother and Protector, you couldn't stop the inevitable don't blame yourself, for if I was you I would have left me long before you did. Piper, you were the one that prevented this, for it was your love that kept my hopes alive, I sit here now understanding I have also disappointed you, all I have to do is look in the mirror to see what I have become and I hate it. I have to do this, and for that I'm sorry. A phone call was all I ever wanted, when did my life turn into this, when was this the only option available. The past months so much has happened, I lost all my friends, and Dan left me. I failing most subjects and have been totaled, it's over, the only thing that I feel now is pain, and all you had to do was call and you never. So this is the end, nothing more can be done, I have come as far as I can go. My love for you is still as strong as ever I can't say as much for your love for me, but I no longer am waiting for this to return I have given up. Phoebe  
  
*Just a short piece on fan fiction which popped into my head, Sorry it's not that long but I hope you like it.*  
  
Please read and review – if you would like me to write the whole story just say! ( 


	2. chapter 1

The rain felt onto the darkened streets of San-Francisco. As Phoebe walked down the street towards the manor no sound could be heard only that of the convocation between herself and Jason, they had been walking around the town for three hours now, the time flew by, as it always did when they were together. Jason watched as the rain dripped of the end of her nose, "Phoebe, what's up you seem upset?" Phoebe looked at him and thought for a few seconds, 'god I can't get anything past you, you know me to well.' "Nothing it's just that since grams left four months ago I have been in the house alone, about three weeks ago my sisters came back from university and they act like I don't exist, I thought that we would hang out since I haven't seen them in so long, but God they haven't even talked to me. It really hurts, I mean first of all they never called me when I was taking my exams, they weren't around when I needed them, and now they act like I'm not there." Jason could see just how hurt she was, she had told him how much she wanted to see them, talk to them. He knew how much she loved her sisters and this hurt him, "How about when you get in tonight go and find your sisters and talk to them, you'll see that this isn't intentional, trust me!" Phoebe smiled, she always loved how he made her feel better, "I'll try." With this Jason put his arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on his chest as they continued to walk, "So back to the Manor?" Phoebe nodded and they both headed in that direction.  
  
"Look Phoebe, how are you, with, you know..." "The drugs, you know I won't lie to you I have wanted to take them but I've stopped myself" she turned to him, "I promised not only myself but you, I'm clean. I knew that it would be hard but I'm fine, trust me!" Jason smiled he was pleased, "Phoebe, you can do it. Look one more promise, tell me the next time that you feel like taking them just, call me, and come to me. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night; just pick up the Phone Okay." Phoebe nodded her head, "You got it, and thanks you helped me through this, you are here when no one else is, and you don't ever give up on me." Jason hugged her tight, "I always will be Phoeebs." With this they turned and continued walking.  
  
Half an hour later and they arrived at the Manor, Phoebe looked at her watch nine thirty, "Well they won't be home yet." She turned to Jason, "I'll speak to you tomorrow then." Jason nodded and pulled her close kissing her on the lips, "See you then. And you can call me whenever." Phoebe nodded and then started up to the Manor; she pushed open the door to once again find herself in the middle of an empty house, "Ah, well what's new." She said to herself before walking up the stairs to her room.  
  
Up stairs Phoebe had changed out of the wet cloths and sat on her bed looking at a Photograph of her and her sisters, she remembered the day, it was three months ago the day before her sisters left to go to university they were sat in the park, the had spent the whole day together and there was one thing that Phoebe remembered was something Piper had said, "I'll call you every week, I'll visit when I can. Remember that I'm here for you no matter what. Just pick up the phone." Hah here for me, that is a lie, you haven't spoke to me since you left for uni. She thought to her self. She placed the photo back on the side and headed downstairs, as she did the clock chimed ten o'clock, she hated been so alone, especially when it was now she needed someone.  
  
Phoebe sat down on the sofa and thought about everything, about her life; She thought about how when she needed her sisters more than anything she couldn't get hold of them, how they haven't even asked how her exams went and how they didn't know that she was on drugs and took an OD. How her life had been so messed up. As she sat in the room a further hour and a half had past before the front door was opened and the house was filled with the laughter of her older sisters. The walked through the foyer and into the kitchen without even so much as a hello, as they did this Phoebe felt her heart sink and be crushed, she could no longer take it she stood up from the couch and took her coat from the side, she walked into the kitchen to find her sisters making coffee, they were so court up in their convocation that they didn't notice Phoebe walk in and take keys from the side. Then she turned and walked out of the Manor.  
  
She walked down the street and turned at the end walking down an ally way and into a small park that she had gone to on many occasions with her sisters, she walked over to a swing and sat there, the rain had stopped now and the air was calm all that could be hared was the distant noise of traffic. Phoebe sat there and quietly sobbed to herself, did her sisters no just how much that they were hurting her? Did they understand what she was going through? Did they care?  
  
The time past by and it once again started to rain, Phoebe reluctantly stood up and headed to the manor. It was now around twelve when she once again walked through the Manor door. "Hay Phoeebs." The voice hit Phoebe as if a knife to the heart, god how things had changed, there was a point in her life not that long ago, when Phoebe loved the sound of her older sisters, the laughing, the love the security. But not now, now their voices hurt, mostly because it reminded her of what she lost months ago.  
  
She forced herself to look up, "Hay." She responded barley audible, trying not to show Piper just how hurt she was, but the older sister could see the hurt look on Phoebe's face, "What's up Phoebe?" she asked, It hurt Phoebe that Piper had to ask what was wrong, she remembered the times when Piper new everything about her, what she felt, what she did, what she was going through but Piper didn't know her sister's life at all, "Nothing" Phoebe responded.  
  
With this Phoebe walked into the kitchen, Piper followed, "Phoebe wait, there is something up? What is it?" Phoebe couldn't hold back the months of anger, hurt or pain she couldn't stop her self, once she began she let go. Turning to Piper she erupted, the anger and pain only to evident "Well Piper, do you know that I've spent more time on my own in the past six months than I have with somebody, and then you two came back from university and forgot that I was around. God you don't know me anymore, who I am or what I have been through, the day before you left for uni you said that you would call, you would visit, god Piper you promised me that you would still be there for me. Since you have been back you haven't spent anytime with me, you haven't talked to me for more than five minuets. And now you have no idea what next week is for me, do you?" Piper was hurt, and she soon realized she had no idea what Phoebe was on about, "Phoebe I..." Piper didn't realize that they were making Phoebe feel like this. Phoebe put her head in her hands, "God, I can't take this. I can't stand this." She had hit the edge, if not fell from it. She had snapped, she ran to the Phone and dialed a number.  
  
Piper had never seen Phoebe like this before, she then realized Phoebe was telling the truth she couldn't remember the last time that she had talked with Phoebe, and now her sister was upset, and she herself had done this. She tried to calm Phoebe down but couldn't. Phoebe gripped the Phone shaking, eventually there was a voice on the other end, "Jason, help me. I need you, I have lost it, I need a fix Jas, I need something or I am going to lose it, what do I do?" Jason was shocked, he hadn't seen her like this in ages, "Phoebe look wait and I'll be there in a few minuets, hold it together okay, just remember all you have done, you can't give up now." Phoebe was been ripped apart inside, "Jason hurry." With this he Put down the Phone and headed to the Halliwell Manor, he wondered what had happened to send Phoebe over the edge."  
  
Phoebe put the phone on the side her hand was shaking uncontrollably and her head was spinning everything was becoming to much, she walked into the living room and sat on the sofa, she rested her head in her hands and brought her knees up to her chest mumbling to her self. She really had lost it, she was clammy and the shaking continued she didn't know how long she could hold on for. Piper walked over to the youngest to only have her pull away, "Phoebe, what's up?" All Phoebe done was shake her head, "Not now Piper." Piper was shocked at her sisters reaction she stood up from the sofa and called to the oldest sister, "PRUE, get down here now." She screamed, hearing the concern in Piper's voice it didn't take long for her to come running down the steps, "What is it?" she asked now concerned, "It's Phoebe; I don't know what's wrong." Prue looked at a shaking Phoebe, "What's happened?" she questioned, Phoebe looked up, "What before or after you forgot that I was alive." Was the remark she received back, in a tone that was no doubt filled with anger and pain. "What's going on? What's wrong with you?" Prue asked sternly, "What's wrong with me? You have, know idea..." Phoebe couldn't continue, that was it she lost it, she needed a fix now, and was going to get it. As Phoebe walked in the direction of the draw at the far end of the living room there was a loud knock on the door, Piper walked in the direction leaving Phoebe and Prue in the living room.  
  
Piper pulled open the large Victorian style door, reveling Jason stood on the door step, his hear and cloths wet from the rain with a concerned look slapped on his face. "Is Phoebe there?" he asked, showing his concern. Piper who was still in shock just moved out the way of the door allowing Jason to walk through. He did this and when he rounded into the living room, he didn't see anyone else around him he only concentrated on Phoebe; he saw that she had snapped. Piper and Prue stood back, they knew only Jason could calm Phoebe down.  
  
He walked forward and opened his arms pulling the broken Phoebe close to him, she hadn't made it to the cupboard Jason got her just in time. She fell into him, dropping to her knees letting him comfort her, "It's okay Phoebe I'm here. You'll be okay." with this Phoebe cried into his chest, she knew she was safe, that Jason would look after her. Minuets had past and they stayed like this, all that Piper and Prue could do was stand back and watch as he comforted her. They were both overcome with guilt, the realization that they hadn't been spending much time with Phoebe and that they rarely called. Jason rocked her back and forth and she slowly started to calm, the shaking and mumbling was becoming less, Phoebe looked up into Jason's tear filled eyes, "I thought that was it, it was over." She told him, Jason pulled her closer, "Not when I'm around." He smiled and she knew that he would help her through, "Why?" she asked, "Why what?" he asked her not fully understanding, "Why do you always stand by me, when I need you, you are always there. Why?" Jason looked at her, "Because I love you and I made a promise didn't I." Tears once again began to fall from her eyes and roll silently down her face, "I was so close to snapping, I still am. I'm scared." "Well I'm not going to let that happen to you Phoeebs. Come on you have been clean for so long, you fought so hard. Do you think that I'm just going to give up on you?" "Will you stay with me tonight?" Phoebe asked, "Sure I will, try and stop me." Was his reply, with that Phoebe just closed her eyes trying to control the cravings. It wasn't until then she realized how tiered that she allowed it to engulf her as the comfort of lying in Jason's arms reassured her he would look out for her, she drifted off, leaving Jason sitting in the same spot that he found her in when her entered the manor.  
  
He looked up at the two older sisters'; Prue was the first to speak "I think that we need to talk." "Yeah I think we do." Jason replied angrily, but in a hushed tone so not to wake Phoebe. Slowly he lifted her up in his arms and brought her over to the sofa, where he lay her down, placing a kiss on her for head he stood up and headed for the kitchen, Followed by Piper and Prue. 


	3. chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
"What the hell is wrong with my sister?" Prue demanded,  
  
"I'd like to know the same thing, I mean when I dropped her off, sure she was angry and upset but nothing like this...nothing to do this." He said anger in her eyes, "What happened?"  
  
"I don't know, she came in and just lost it, one minuet we were talking and the next, she was going mad like a junkie needing a fix." Jason didn't like that analogy, not one bit, he turned to Piper, giving her a look that showed anger and hurt, he screamed "Don't. You have, no idea what she has been through, is going through, you don't know your sister at all..." Before he could continue he was cut of by Prue, "I think you should calm down!" She said or almost ordered, He looked into Prue's eyes, each competing in a stair off, "Why because the almighty Prue Halliwell say so? Give me a break...you think I'm scared of you...well I'm not, I'm not one of your sisters who you can order around, shout at, belittle. I am her for one reason, because the person that I love, the only person that I care about is in that room, close to a physical and mental break down, and a big part of that has to do with you two, her family."  
  
"Get the hell out of my house!" Prue screamed,  
  
"What's wrong? The truth hurt? Well no, things don't work like that, I'm not going anywhere because unlike the two of you, I keep my promises and I will be here for Phoebe." Prue's anger rose, as did Jason's hate. He hated them for abandoning there sister, he hated them because they were a big part of this problem.  
  
Nothing more was said between himself and the oldest sisters, he turned and walked out of the kitchen back into the room. Leaving two, confused and upset older sisters, As he did he saw Phoebe twisting and turning, obviously having a nightmare, Jason went over and knelt in front of her, he took her hand in his, and stroked the top of her damp head gently as beads of moisture rolled down, she was going through a bad time, but like all the others Jason would help her through.  
  
Things stayed like this for about five minuets when suddenly Phoebe shot out of her sleep, breathless, shaking with fear she tightened her grip on Jason's hand, "H-el...Help me!" she cried, he put his hand behind her back pulling her into a loving hug, "Phoebe I'm here come on calm down." Phoebe shook her head, tears rolling uncontrollably down her face "It hurt, Jason, it hurt's so bad."  
  
"I know but...I can't let you..." his heart broke to see her like this,  
  
"I needed it, Jas, just a little!"  
  
"No Phoebe, I won't give you any drugs, you have been clean for so long...I won't let you." Phoebe was shaking hysterically, he sat on the sofa, and she sat next to him resting her head on his chest, "I want it to end...I want the pain to stop."  
  
An hour later they were sat in the same place, neither had moved Phoebe had calmed down a little, although still craving, she had managed to reduce the shaking. It was then that the oldest sister walked in from where she and Piper had been sat in the kitchen. She saw Phoebe been held by Jason and her head on his chest, as Prue stood there she wondered if she had the right anymore, she practically abandoned her, did she even have the right to stand here and ask such a thing?  
  
"Can we talk?" Prue asked uncertain, Phoebe looked at her, "Talk?" Phoebe's hand began to shake and she started to stutter as she got more and more worked up, "You...You...want to talk. N-now...after...all I've gone...through – you...want to...talk." Her voice was raise as the anger was all too evident.  
  
Phoebe sat up and let go of Jason's shirt, which she had held so tight. She walked over to face Prue, "What...do you...want to talk about?" Phoebe shouted, actually taking Prue by surprise. Never before had Prue seen such hate, anger or aggression the eyes of the youngest sister. But as Prue looked closer she realized that nothing in her deep brown eyes resembled the Phoebe she once knew, they were so distant, so angered, so broken.  
  
Prue didn't know how to react, "I know we haven't been around a whole lot lately..." Before she could continue Phoebe jumped in, "Underestimate of the year Prue!" she said, not lightheartedly, not even sarcastically but in an evil angered tone, a tone that Jason had only ever hared once before, the night she lost it big time, and had a fight with him, the night she trashed the house, the night she hit Jason, the night that he thought she was gone for good, never to have the Phoebe he knew and loved return.  
  
He stood up from where he sat and called to her, "Phoebe!" Phoebe swung around and Jason at this point seeing her face, knew she had been pushed to far the need of the drugs was way too strong. "...What? You don't like the way I'm talking to her."  
  
"Phoebe, listen to me calm down." Jason attempted but this made Phoebe's anger grow, "If you care about the way I talk to her so much, why don't you, go out with her instead of me?" She screamed and then turned back to Prue, "How dose it feel to know you have drove, you're poor little baby sister to this?" Phoebe screamed in Prue's face, who, was now backing away from Phoebe knowing she was capable of anything.  
  
It was at this point Piper walked in, "What's going on?" She asked but stopped seeing Phoebe backing Prue up, making the oldest scared, never before had she seen Prue so scared and Phoebe so angry, so evil, so unlike the sister they were used to.  
  
At the sound of Pipers voice Phoebe jolted her head to look at the middle Halliwell sister, "What's going on...I'm trying to figure out which one of you lot is going to be the one I take down first!" she screamed, Jason couldn't stand back any longer he stepped forward, "Your not going to do this!" he told her, Phoebe smiled, an evil smile, "Jason...my hero!" she said, looking once again at Prue, and taking an advancing step towards her, Prue knew Phoebe would do anything and she was actually scared, for one time in her life she was scared not only of another human, but of a sister a sister she no longer knew.  
  
Phoebe laughed at her older sister, it was a laugh filled with a sense of accomplishment, and then she turned her back on a shaking Prue to see Jason was looking directly at her, "Looks like you know me better than they do" She stated, looking over at Piper who was in shock, "Sorry Pip, this isn't an problem you can solve, only the drugs can..." she stopped and looked back at Jason, "So why won't you give it me?" she asked quietly, but seeing his face remained emotionless she started to scream and lose it, "Just give it me. It'll stop, I wont be like this any more...GIVE IT ME!" she moved closer to him until she was directly in front, only inches away, Her voice returned to the quiet, less aggressive tone "Come on baby, make me happy." He looked down at Phoebe, and his heart was tearing, he wished he could...make her happy...but he couldn't, "No!" He said simply,  
  
She started to scream again as anger filled her, taking over was the desire to have the high, "What the hell is this...Piss Phoebe off night?"  
  
Piper and Prue were to scared to move, talk to even breath, the were frozen in shock and fear as they looked on at their baby sister. Phoebe walked past Jason and over to a cabinet she managed to calm herself, she spoke softly, to herself mumbling over and over again, "People lie, everyone lies, lies, people lie..." she stopped and looked at the Photos on top of the cabinet and they made her angry once again swiping it clear all the frames fell to the floor. Piper and Prue jumped in shock, and backed away, but Jason stood in the same spot not even flinching, he knew that this would pass it was only a stage; he had to just let it play out. She looked at the mass of broken wood, and glass and smiled, a victorious smile before her face turned once again to a mass of anger, she walked over to the chest of draws, and picked up one at a time photo by photo, she spoke quietly, to herself really, but it was loud enough for them to all hear.  
  
The first photo in a dark mahogany frame, was one she never remembered, of a guy, she knew only by name, nothing else, no love was present no feelings only that of disappointment, "You left me, you were the one who left." She looked down at it for a second before, her hand rose and she through it to the floor, "You lied." She kept her voice simple and emotionless throughout, no tone just a voice; she walked over the glass as it crunched under her boots, her foot finally resting on the photo of her father's smiling face. She moved on picking up a photo of her mother, "You died, and left me alone, you left me..." Phoebe through the identical frame to the floor and repeated the same actions simply saying once again, "You lied." She then picked up the last picture on the stand, and looked at it, "now you I don't understand, you say you'll be back tomorrow...always tomorrow... but you never come back...always another emergency. 'You can look after yourself' that's all you would say, well..." she said, throwing the photo, like the others, to the floor at such a force that it exploded into millions of pieces, "You lied because I can't look after myself...you lied to me grams."  
  
It was then she stopped and looked down at the floor before diverting her view to that of both of her oldest sisters who were now standing next to each other, silence was surrounding them, it was kind of eerie but it didn't last long, Phoebe started to scream now anger and hatred ran through her words like venom, "You lied both of you, you left me all alone...What did I ever do to deserve any of this..." she asked, then lost it completely, taking quick pace towards Piper and Prue, Prue saw this and instinctively pushed Piper behind her so she was safe. "You lied." Phoebe screamed, she was just about to dive at her sisters and let out all her anger when she felt Jason's arms pull her back, and push her down onto the floor, Phoebe screamed louder, "You never protected me Prue...you left me...you lied." Obviously she was referring to, the oldest sister's protective actions towards Piper. Jason managed to stop Phoebe by keeping her pinned to the ground, he looked at a broken Piper and Prue and screamed, at them "Leave...get the hell out of here...NOW!" Although neither knew what to do for the best, they obeyed Jason and walked away.  
  
Phoebe stopped struggling against Jason and just cried, she could no longer fight she gave up and cried, "You can't save me...you can't help me!" Jason lifted his hand from where he had held Phoebe down and got off of her, sitting on the floor he pulled a sobbing Phoebe into his protective hold. As he sat with her crying in his arms he wondered, 'was that it...had she lost it completely? Had the Phoebe he loved died or was death close?  
  
The death of her free spirit, her love, her trust, the death of her fiery soul the death of, who she was. 


	4. chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
The morning sunlight streamed through the manor windows and the house was cast into the warmth of a golden glow, Jason quietly, cleared up the mess, of the broken glass and picked up the pictures putting them on the side. That's when he hared something across the room, he looked up to she the middle Haliwell standing at the bottom of the stairs, she stood looking at Phoebe who was now lying on the sofa, sleeping, peacefully.  
  
Piper looked over at Jason, who in turn looked at her, no words were spoken only a look that was reflected in each others eyes, pain, anger and upset. Not towards each other, but towards the drugs. "Is...is she..." Piper began,  
  
"She just went to sleep about an hour ago." He explained before walking towards the bin where he through the remains of the photo frames away, "Look, about last night, don't take what she says to heart. Just...understand that she isn't herself at the moment." Piper looked at him, "She's my sister and I have no idea what's going on!" she explained, "What she said last night was the truth we just abandoned her." Piper walked over and looked at him, "I don't know...I just thought she would be with grams...I thought they would be fine."  
  
"Grams hasn't been her for months...I mean, she rings up and tells Phoebe she'll be back and it's always, soon or tomorrow but there's always another sick friend, another place she has to be...Phoebe has been by herself for about six months now...and it's killing her literally."  
  
"What happened? Here last night what was that?" she asked, Jason looked at her, "Last night..." he said quietly, he didn't reply he looked over at Phoebe and then walked through to the kitchen, Piper followed.  
  
He walked over to the table and lent against it, "Last night your sister lost it big time. She broke...I have made sure that, what you saw happen last night didn't. And in only a few hours you two managed to break her. After last time I promised that I wouldn't let it happen again..."  
  
"What happened last time?" Piper asked, Jason looked up, "Last time Phoebe lost it, she nearly kill mark, she nearly killed him, like she would have killed you two..."  
  
"No, that isn't who she is!" Piper slipped into denial, Jason stood forward, from the table and although keeping his voice low so not to wake Phoebe the anger was evident, "Wake up Piper! Does that look like the Phoebe that you remember in there...did it look like her last night? She has been through more shit than you can imagine." Piper looked at him not backing down, "So why don't you talk to me straight...what is it that she has been through?"  
  
It was then they heard a noise at the door, Jason looked up to se Phoebe standing there, she looked at Jason first, and then into the eyes of the middle sister, "Time to set the record straight..." she said quietly, Piper was actually scared after what Jason had said and the way she acted last night she was scared. "Time...to...set...it...straight..." Again she said quietly, not really talking to anyone, "Do you think big sis will want to hear this?" she asked again in a tone barely audible, it was then that Prue appeared round the other entrance to that side of Phoebe, "Do I want to hear what?" she asked making her way over to Piper, keeping a watch out to make sure Phoebe didn't jump for her again.  
  
"Oh look Jason, she wants to know. They all want to know. Hay big sis, been a while, you know since we all sat and ate together, but then again it's been a while since you gave a damn." A tone that started of sarcastically turned to that of anger. She looked at Jason, his sympathetic eyes told volumes to how much love he held for the youngest, he started walking towards her, "You don't have to do this" he said quietly, Phoebe shook her head, "I don't have to do this!" she repeated, "but I want them to understand, I want them to feel pain, if only a fraction of what I'm feeling." Phoebe looked at them, they were now people who were stood before her they were not truly her sisters, not in Phoebe's heart.  
  
Phoebe turned her back and walked into the living room, Jason watched, the turned to see the oldest two sisters looking at him, he didn't say anything he just followed Phoebe, and in turn they followed him.  
  
Lost alone death is close – part 6  
  
"It was my fault...he said it wasn't but...it was. They all got into that car, all of them and I drove, thinking back I remember Dan telling them to buckle up, 'cause... Phoebe's driving' he joked" Phoebe was becoming chocked up as she relived the events of the past months that she had spent alone, she was lent against the window frame as she looked out into the peaceful morning air, tears silently rolled down her face.  
  
Piper and Prue were sat on the sofa looking at every action, every movement the youngest made. Jason was stood not that far from Phoebe but knew to give her space as she continued and he was ready for what ever came his way. If Phoebe lost it he was there to hold her back and if she fell he would catch her.  
  
"They won the game, we were all going to get something to eat to celebrate, I was in the drivers' seat, Dan and Mark next to me, in the back, Jason, Hannah and Jo. They all put there trust in my, and I let them down." Phoebe looked at the floor in front of her now, as she forced herself to continue, "The music was on and the sound of all in the car made me smile, then! But not now when I think back I only feel death, anger, hatred." Phoebe stopped for a second and then after a while she spoke as if no one was around her, she spoke as if to herself, "I didn't see the other car, or maybe I did and just didn't react fast enough...I came down the road and as the traffic lights changed to green, I continued but at the cross section the drunk driver came flying towards me..." it seemed like forever, I was frozen in time for ages as each second seemed like hours. The car collided into mine... then all I can remember is blood all over me, then I turned and I saw him, Dan was dead, he was flopped forward, and eyes froze open with fear." Phoebe stopped and closed her eyes, "I remember, it all, they told me it would pass, but it never dose, it never goes away...never. I see it, every time I close my eyes, Dan's face and white shirt, a mass of red, the window screen splatter with blood. His skull was totally shattered, I knew then he was dead, and I just...looked at him. Then I looked at Mark, he was also covered in blood but I could see his chest rising, slowly but it was some thing to hold on to." Phoebe let the tears fall and cascade down her face to the floor, "I turned around, and Jo and Hannah, looked much like Dan, and I looked at Jason, I didn't know if her was dead or alive..."  
  
She looked up to Jason who was also crying, because he was also reliving that awful day "I prayed, for days I prayed, but there is no god...there can't be not for him to do this to kill them. Why would he let this happen? Why?" Phoebe looked then at Prue and Piper and the sadness in her voice was replaced with anger, "So you two want to know why I'm like this? Because I killed three of my closest friends, me! I did it because I was the one behind the wheel, I killed them." Piper and Prue said nothing, it was so unlike them, but there was nothing they could say, gilt and pain overwhelmed them, how could we have been so selfish, they wondered.  
  
"You weren't here to help, but the drugs were, they helped more than you would ever think, sure they helped then, but look at what they have made me, look at what they did. I hurt the people that I love and care about, I hurt mark when he tried to help and I hurt Jason all the time. Why? Because this is what I am now, this is what the drugs have made me. Don't think that you know what I feel, because you don't. None of you killed you're friends, but I did."  
  
Prue watched as her sister said this, she felt as though she needed to say something, do something, but what? She stood up "Phoebe it..." she began but Phoebe cut her of, "Not now Prue! Now is too late, I am telling you this not because I want your support but so you know when I do...kick your heads in, that's why, because I went through that with out your support and love and I want you to pay."  
  
"You wouldn't..." Prue said almost Dearing her to, "Prue the hero!" Phoebe said, she looked at Jason, "Remind you of any on Jas?" she asked, Jason pulled himself together and stepped closer, "Phoebe, Don't do this..."  
  
Prue saw it in her eyes, the hate; it was the fear in Jason's voice that ultimately told her she shouldn't have said what she did. Phoebe walked a step forward, as Piper saw this she jumped up from the sofa and stood next to Prue. Phoebe smiled, she looked into the eye's of the oldest, "Back up" she said, Prue didn't move but Phoebe stepped forward again, "I said BACK UP!" Jason walked to Phoebe and stood between her and her sisters, "Leave Prue alone Phoebe!" He ordered.  
  
"What is this, you have seen everything they put me through and you're taking their sides, I'm beginning to think that you are going out with the wrong sister."  
  
"I'm not taking there side but I can't stand back and watch you nearly kill people that you love, you already do this before remember Mark..."  
  
"Difference is I love Mark, but I feel nothing but hate for them..." Phoebe shot back the anger and determination evident...  
  
"Phoebe don't be stupid...we're your sisters." Piper shouted, Phoebe looked at Jason, "Did she really just say that?" she looked past Jason to meet Piper, "You rally don't believe that I am close to killing you do you? And you keep pushing and pushing...don't ever call me you're sister, I'm nothing, I just stand here and be...I don't feel anymore Piper!" she shouted,  
  
"Well I do and I love you, you're my sister...I'm sorry that you went through..."  
  
Phoebe turned her back on Jason and started to walk away as she heard Piper's voice, 'sorry' Phoebe couldn't believe that she had just said sorry, she swung back around and spoke not in a shout, just loud enough for them to hear, "Don't be sorry Piper, be saddened, sickened, be guilty, be confused..." she lost it again, "But don't ever be sorry. EVER!" she screamed, and then she looked at Jason, "Look you stay and see if there is anything else you can do to make the easier...on my sisters. Tell them everything..." she started sarcastically before starting to walk to wards the stairs but before she walked up them she stopped an evil grin forming on her face, she shouted, "Just remember...my boyfriend won't always be there to protect you."  
  
Jason stood there for a moment and when Phoebe had gone, he turned to Piper and Prue, "You two, are you stupid? She was close to killing you." Piper jumped in "I'm not stupid, I just want my old sister back!"  
  
"Well, the best thing you can do is shut the hell up, you have no idea what she is capable of...she wouldn't think twice before turning on you two or me...and when she losses it, she losses it. I wouldn't be able to stop her, so Prue next time you feel the need to test her, to push her I am telling you now don't...because she will kill you." Prue was in shock, she didn't know what to do, say or how to react.  
  
"What happened?" the question eventually slipped her mouth, "When?" Jason asked,  
  
"Before, with Mark?" she finished, looking at Jason he began, "A couple of months ago Phoebe lost it again, all you need to know is that he questioned her much like you just did today and she took him down, she lost it so bad she smashed a vase over his head, she nearly killed him so next time you feel the need to test her...don't because I can't stop her."  
  
Upstairs Phoebe walked into her room and fell down on her bed, and she cried, for the friends she lost and the pain of the addiction ripping through her. She sat like this for a while not knowing what to do. About an hour and a half had past and the tears had stopped she just sat staring at the ceiling then she decided something, she decided to change everything.  
  
Phoebe stood up from her bed and walked over to the mirror in her room, as she looked at the reflection she realized that she know longer knew who she was, her eyes didn't display the spark she no longer felt, but it wasn't right, she was still angry at her sisters, more than angry in fact, but this wasn't the way to get back at them because she was hurting Jason in the process and that wasn't something that she wanted.  
  
Half an hour later Jason was sat in the living room alone, he hadn't gotten to sleep all night and was finding it hard to keep his cool with the older sisters he really didn't want to blow up at them but every second that passed the more stressed he became, He wondered if there was anything that he could have done differently. As he sat in his own thoughts he hared a noise behind him, he turned around to see Phoebe coming down the stairs, she had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a light grey hooded sweat shit. He stood up from the sofa, and turned to her. Phoebe walked over to him and strait into his arms, he wrapped them protectively around her, "I love you." He whispered, Phoebe pulled back from the hug, "I love you too. I want to talk to you...can we get out the manor?" 


	5. chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
"I won't let you do it!" Jason insisted Phoebe smiled, "Yeah but what you don't understand id that, I don't need your approval, I just wanted to let you know." Phoebe shot back, "You mean a lot to me and you know that, I love you more than anything but I'm not going to let you." He once again explained, Phoebe had kept calm all the way through but was growing impatient, "I am going to make them pay. Stop treating me like a child..." "You've lost it Phoebe, just think about this for a while." "I have Jason...since the night I lay in that hospital with out them...I have thought." With this she turned and walked back down the road in the direction of the manor, "I'LL GET REVENGE." She shouted. As she walked away Jason took his mobile out of his jeans pockets, and dialed a number, it rang a few times, "Mark, its Jason...Phoebe's lost it get over here, you have the keys?...come in the back door" With that he put the phone down and ran after the youngest to try and calm her down.  
  
Piper and Prue were sat in the kitchen, both talking about Phoebe...what had they done to there baby sister? They both blamed themselves. It was then that the front door opened and Phoebe walked through followed by Jason, "Stop it Phoebe!" he shouted, "Don't tell me what to do." She shot back, "Hay, sisters I'm back..." she shouted into the manor with an evil smile, "Come out." She practically ordered as she stood in the foyer. "Prue Piper stay away...I mean it." Jason shouted.  
  
Back in the kitchen Piper and Prue were on there feet, both looking at each other, fear evident, and concern and upset also playing on them. Piper looked at Prue and shook her head, "STAY!" she mouthed, Prue nodded and both stood near the island in the kitchen scared and upset. They could hear everything that was been said between Jason and Phoebe.  
  
"You know Jason, before I was only doing it to annoy you but...now you are really starting to annoy me...what's this thing that you have for my sisters?" she asked, anger and seriousness running through her words, Jason hopped that Mark got here soon, "Answer me!" she screamed, "Do you fancy my sisters?" Jason walked closer to Phoebe, "You know I don't, I love you...please calm down..." he reached out to put his hand on her shoulder but she stepped back, and shook her head with a smile on her face, "Know...I want them to understand what I've been feeling...what it's like for me..." Phoebe walked around the foyer screaming at the top of her voice, "Hay Prue! Piper...Want to feel what it's like?"  
  
As Piper and Prue still stood in the kitchen, they hared Phoebe shouting at Jason about her sisters, then the door to the Kitchen opened and A guy dressed in black jeans and a white shirt walked in, he basically ignored Piper and Prue who were really scared, "Hay...Who..." Prue attempted, but received his hand been put up ordering her to stop, then he peaked around the door to the kitchen to see where Phoebe and Jason actually were, "shit!" he whispered in seeing Phoebe like this. He turned to Piper and Prue, and took a deep breath as he did Prue noticed that all the fear in his eyes vanished and he was now emotionless, "Call her...NOW!" he ordered, "Are you crazy?" Piper asked in a whisper, Mark walked over to piper anger now evident, "No but Phoebe is. And if you don't call her she's going to kill Jason...SO CALL HER!" he ordered, Prue stood between the guy and Piper, "Fine, just back up and don't talk to her like that." Mark nodded and took a step back, "Sorry, just call her" Prue thought for a moment then, hesitantly obeyed, "In here PHOEBE!" she shouted shakily.  
  
IT was literally only seconds before the youngest came barging into the kitchen, she saw Piper and Prue laughed, "You really are two brain dead, good for nothing..." it was then that Phoebe stopped and realized what she was doing, she looked down at her hand as it shook, she looked up to meet the concerned gaze of her older sisters, "I bet you two never thought you'd ever see this...me on the verge of breaking down did you?" Phoebe turned around to see Mark stood by Jason, "Hay Phoeebs, you don't look too good." "Great, we got a whole party thing going on in here. You all get to see me lose it, and one lucky contestant wins..." Phoebe was losing it pretty bad, she was looking from person to person hysterically babbling, "And...what's that Bob? What do you win? Well You win...the chance to see Phoebe kill the next person to piss her off." Her tone of voice went completely serious, and she started to shout, "So..." she looked into the eyes of the eldest, "Come on Prue...I want you to piss me off because...after all the times you hurt me when we were growing up...I want you to suffer. What about you Piper, fancy taking me on...I bet I'll take you down..."  
  
Mark took a deep breath and decides now was the time, "Phoebe, this is getting rally old...it's the same thing you used last time..." Phoebe smiled evilly and swung around, "AND WE HAVE A WINNER. Mark come on down." She screamed sarcastically, Mark smiled, "How about...we take this in the other room?" He asked "just me and you?" "Where's the fun in that?" Phoebe asked, "I'm sure that my sisters would love to see me killing you...Wouldn't you Prue!" Jason shook his head slyly indicating for Prue not to answer then he turned to Mark and nodded, Phoebe didn't see this, she had her back to them looking at her sisters.  
  
"So this is what you have become...do you think this is what they want? It wasn't you're fault." Mark shouted, Phoebe was froze in shock as Mark stepped closer to her, his voice cold and emotionless, "There dead Phoebe!" Phoebe backed up against the cabinet, "Shut up stop it now!" Jason continued to advance on her, "It's hard I get it...but every time something happens is this what it's going to be like?" Phoebe lost it, "Shut the fuck up!" she picked a bottle that was on the side and threw it to the floor, it shattered, and Phoebe looked at Mark, "Why? How isn't it? I was the one driving..." "But it was a drink driver that hit you..." Phoebe wouldn't take it for an answer, "They'd be going to collage with us this year, and they would be here with me now. They never got to graduate, go to senior prom, they never got to live...so why did i?" She shouted falling to her knees, she cried and sobbed, totally torn up. Mark turned to Piper and Phoebe and walked over to them whispering, "Be there for her now!" and with that he stepped back.  
  
Prue advanced cautiously and knelt next to the youngest, "Phoebe...I'm so sorry baby...I love you so much and I know that I've made a mistake, please, let me fix what I've done wrong." Piper moved to the other side, "Honey, please, let us be here for you now!" Phoebe felt as Pipers hand made contact with her arm and felt something that she hadn't felt in such a long time, it was something that she craved, the love of her sisters.  
  
Phoebe fell into Pipers embrace and cried. She clutched the shirt of the middle sister and pulled her close, she then with her other hand took hold of the oldest sister's hand, "Make it better, fix it. Just don't leave me." She cried, Prue wrapped her arms around both her younger sisters pulling them close, "Never again Baby, Never." All the three sisters were crying now, they sat crying in each others arms. Phoebe's world felt less empty, but she knew there was a long way to go and my never be what it was. 


	6. chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
...through every step her sisters were by her side, sure maybe the oldest wasn't what she used to be but, Phoebe had seen and been through so much I mean what do you expect, Prue couldn't treat her how she used to, but she was the oldest again. Piper was in her rightful place as middle sister, mediator and friend.  
  
Phoebe got over the drugs it took a long time but Jason and Mark were there as always, sure there were times when Phoebe could have given in but now she had the strength of not only really great friends but also her sisters, she was in collage now, and her sisters, although living their own lives, Prue living in her apartment and Piper living on campus of UCLA they were around a whole lot more and rang a lot. Grams, was away again at another friends it didn't bother Phoebe that much she had got used to it now.  
  
Phoebe ran down the stairs of the manor and over to the door, she pulled it open, "Hay you!" Jason said as he saw Phoebe, "Mark's in the car, are you ready to go?" she smiled, "What no hello?" she asked as she pulled him into a lingering kiss. He pulled back, "Hello..." he said with a smile; Phoebe took her jacket from the hanger, and picked her keys up from the side, "let's go then." With that they both walked to the red mustang parked at the bottom of the drive.  
  
"Hay Mark" Phoebe greeted as she got into the back of the car, Jason got in next to her, "Hay Phoebe, so we got to go straight to the Robs house or do you want to make any detours?" He asked, "Straight there's fine by me" she said, and with this Mark started the engine and started to drive.  
  
They were only seconds driving when Mark looked into the mirror, he sighed, "Oh...guys come on its too early for that level of affection to be show. Guy's I just had my breakfast...come on." Phoebe pulled back from the kiss, "Oh I'm sorry Mark, I just missed him" Mark smiled and looked back into the mirror, so he could see Phoebe, "Are you kidding me, you guys have only been apart for about ten hours?" he asked, Happy to see Phoebe so happy again, this was his Phoebe, fun loving, witty and so Phoebe.  
  
"You just drive" Jason ordered with a smile, then he turned back to Phoebe and put his arms around her waist, she rested her head on his chest, Jason noticed Phoebe close her eyes and fall into his protective hold, he knew exactly what had happened, "...Bad night?" he asked quietly although Mark was a good friend there were times when Jason knew Phoebe needed his support, Not that Mark was a bad friend he was the best, Phoebe just didn't want him worrying about her, been too overprotective...Jason was her boyfriend, she could deal with him and often needed his overprotective-ness but it wasn't something she needed from her friends, she had gone through so much that night at the manor with her sisters to get everything back to normal, to get it back to the life that she used to have. Not that mark could have heard over the rock CD that he was currently playing.  
  
Phoebe opened her eyes and looked forward, she lifted one of her hands and took hold of Jason's, "Just the usual...after you guys left and I spoke on the phone to Piper for a while. When I tried to get to sleep I ... had the nightmare. Didn't sleep a great deal." She explained, "You should have called" Jason said, wrapping his arm around her a little tighter, "Jas, I can't keep calling you every time I have nightmare of think there's something under my bed..." "Phoebe, I didn't mean it like that." He explained, "I know I'm sorry. I just don't want to burden everything on you..." "Phoebe, I don't mind...really..." Phoebe looked up at him she looked into his eyes, "DO you...ever wish that you had a normal girlfriend...I mean not someone who is emotionally messed up?" Phoebe asked, Jason was more than a little taken aback by Phoebe's question, "Is that what you think?" Phoebe just looked down at where their hands met, "Phoebe, I love you, don't ever think any different and you are normal, don't be so hard on your self" Phoebe looked back up at him, "I wish I was different..." she admitted, "I just wish that we could be like a normal couple, but we can't because I have all this emotional shit that messes with my head. I wish I could get normal nights sleep, I wish I didn't have craving for drugs and I wish I never got in that car." "Phoebe I'm here no matter what, you know that. And I don't ever wish you were any different..."  
  
He hesitated, "Actually...Phoebe...I do" Phoebe shot her eyes up to meet his, "I wish that you...could make some descent pancakes." Phoebe smiled in relief and hit Jason on the arm playfully. "I told you Piper's the naturally talented one in that area." Then she returned her head to rest on his chest, "so how are your sisters?" He asked, Phoebe answered with her eyes closed, "Piper's great. She's coming over later tonight and I think that she's bringing her boyfriend with her...you're still coming for dinner right?" she asked now opening her eyes, "Yeah, I'm coming...as long as it's piper cooking!" he said with a smile, Phoebe also smiled, "God I hope so." She said, "And the oldest?" he asked, "She'll be there to. I mean Piper's boyfriend hasn't got the Prue's seal of approval." Jason laughed because he knew Phoebe was been entirely serious, "Have I?" he asked, Phoebe sat up and looked at him in shock, "Are you kidding me. You stopped me from killing them...literally...she loves you."  
  
About fifteen minuets later they pulled into the driveway of the house, Phoebe looked at the house that stood a good bit away from where the mustang was parked on the long drive way, she was broken from her thoughts by two loud honks of the horn, Mark pushed his hand and a lengthy screech could be heard from the car. It didn't take long for the door to open and a guy that was the same age as them in the car emerged, he was wearing a grey shirt open over a whit t-shirt with a pair of worn jeans which looked by no means knew.  
  
The door opened and the guy got into the car, "Hay guys" he greeted, "Hay Rob" Phoebe said, and then the other two also greeted him in the same manor, With this the car was filled with the rambling of the four friends as it made it's way down the street towards there next destination, towards the beech.  
  
A further hour in the car and they eventually pulled up at the beech, the sun was scorching and the tide was in splashing against the cliff sides and rocks, "So...where first?" Rob asked, Mark looked around as he stepped out the car, "Well, I see a nice empty spot over there" he said pointing towards the sand, Phoebe stood out and turned to him with a quizzical look on her face, "Mark the place is practically deserted, every where's empty!" Jason laughed and opened the boot of the car taking out the blankets they had brought along with them, "how about we set up camp then?" he through a blanket at Rob, and then walked over wrapping his arm around Phoebe all four headed in the direction of the sand.  
  
Phoebe sat on the blanket watching as Jason, Rob and Mark threw the football to each other, all three guys were topless and wearing shorts, running through the silk like sand, tackling each other to the floor. Phoebe laughed at her friends but for some reason her thoughts trailed of to the memories of her fallen friends, they spent a lot of time together at the beech. Phoebe couldn't help but smile remembering the times that she had skipped school and they had all come to the beech, they got busted of course by, who else but her oldest sister.  
  
Jason came running over to her, his muscular toned chest glistened in the sunlight; he sat down next to her, "You going to have a game?" Jason asked, breathless and smiling, "Maybe I could be persuaded" she offered, "You okay?" he asked noticing how distant she was, Phoebe shook herself back together, "Yeah I'm fine" she reassured him with a smile, Jason accepted her answer and then smiled, "So why should I play football with you guys?" she asked, Jason brought his hand to her waist where she was wearing an open shirt over a bikini top, "...because you'd be one the team of your gorgeous, loving boy friend" "Well do I get a kiss off him first?" she asked with a grin on her face. He lent forward and kissed her passionately on the lips, pushing her back down onto the blanket his hands took hold of her waist as she closed her eyes relishing his sweet tasting lips. He pulled back, and looked into her eyes, "Convinced yet?" he asked, "Not fully" Phoebe answered pulling him closer wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
They continued this for another minuet, Jason's hands roaming around under Phoebe's shirt around her waist and Phoebe pulling him closer. As this continued, Rob decided he had waited long enough for them to stop and threw the football in their direction, with such accuracy that it hit Jason of the back of the head. As the ball hit Jason pulled back from the kiss and fell onto the ground next to where Phoebe was lay, "Damn! You guys" he screamed, then he quickly stood to his feet and picked up the ball, throwing it full force at Rob and Mark, who were now in an hysterical fit of laughter. With this he took charge towards them and tackled Rob to the ground, as the two of them wrestled Mark looked over to Phoebe who was laughing and walked over towards her.  
  
"Twenty dollars on Jason" He said, Phoebe looked up, "You want me to bet against my boyfriend?" she asked, then looked as Rob threw Jason to the ground pinning him to the floor Phoebe pulled a face and looked back at Mark, "You're on!"  
  
Phoebe, Jason and Mark were now driving back from just dropping Rob back at his house, "I still can't believe that you bet against me!" Jason said, faking a hurt voice, Phoebe turned to him and shimmied closer, "I'm sorry it's just, you know me, can't turn my back when it's a cert." Jason looked at her his eyes wide in shock, "What are you on about he was just lucky" Phoebe rolled her eyes, "Okay, it's been over four hours since and Rob fort, and you are still moaning..." "Well I wouldn't be moaning if my girlfriend never bet against me." Phoebe moved back, "If you go on and on about this then I want to break up!" Jason looked at her, "Well maybe we should!" they joked, Phoebe nodded "Fine."  
  
She looked out the window turning her back no matter how much she wanted to keep a straight face she was finding it increasingly hard, Jason moved over to her, and wrapped his arm around her, "...honey don't take it personally but...I'd be able to take you!" she told him. Jason shrugged, "And I don't doubt it..." Phoebe turned back to him with a smile, "now are you going to drop it?" she asked, Jason nodded, "Fine..." "Good because, I don't want to be with my sister and all I'm getting from you is moaning." Jason put up his hands defensively "I won't moan, promise." Phoebe smiled and lent forward kissing him on the lips before hugging him, "So how long is dinner going to be?" he asked, "Not to long, Piper's been home for a while so hopefully she'll have been busy" Phoebe then looked over towards mark, "Hay Mark, you want to come over for dinner and watch as my oldest sister rips Piper's boyfriend apart?" she asked, Mark looked in the mirror, "Phoebe as much fun as it's been today watching you and Jas all over each other, I think that maybe you two could do with some you time." He said with a smile, "Plus I have to go home and cook for my sister." Phoebe looked at him as his smile faded, "Your dad still AWL?" Mark nodded, "Yeah!" "I'm sorry man" Jason offered, Phoebe lent forward and place her hand on his shoulder, "Well you know your welcome at mine after what you did for me, it's the least that I can do." Jason pulled the car up in front of the manor and turned to them, "Thanks, but I'm fine really. Now..." he said with another of his trade mark smiles, "...get out of here, you two lovesick guys are going to put me of my dinner." Phoebe lent forward and gave him a hug, "see you tomorrow?" "Count on it" Mark answered; Phoebe stepped out of the car, "See ya man." Jason said, "See ya Jas" Mark answered before Jason got out and closed the door.  
  
Phoebe and Jason watched as the car drove off down the street, she turned to him, "do you think that everything will be okay?" Phoebe asked looking at Jason, "Mark will be fine." Phoebe looked at him, "I don't mean Mark I mean his sister, have you ever eaten his food?" she asked. Jason smiled. "Mark will be okay" he reassured Phoebe.  
  
Phoebe looked up to the manor, "well Piper's cars here but no Prue. So we haven't missed the fun." She reassured Jason, Jason nodded "Well thank god for that, I don't want to miss the famous Prue Halliwell in action." With that he took Phoebe's hand in his and started up the steps. Un-aware that the moment the door to the manor was opened, along with it, it would open a whole new can of worms and may very well be the demise of a sisterly bond, a love, a friendship, the end of Phoebe Halliwell, the youngest sister loved by all. 


	7. chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
Prue pulled round the corner of Prescott Street, and that's when she notice3d the Police cars pulled up outside of her house, her stomach turned, her head spun and her hands shuck. She pulled her car over to the side of the road and jumped out, not bothering to lock it. She ran up the steps of the house and pushed open the door to the manor to be confronted by a chaotic scene.  
  
Her heart was pounding against her chest, she had know idea what was going on but, as always her mind played out the worst scene available and what was realty wasn't far off. As she stood at the door looking on a tall dark haired cop walked over, "Excuse me miss, who are you?" Prue was in shock, "What's happened?" "Miss, who are you?" Prue looked at him, "Halliwell Prue, now what's happened?" Before the cop could answer Phoebe's voice was hared, "Get the fuck of me...I'm going to kill that mother fucker" At the desperation and anger in Phoebe's voice Prue pushed past the cop, and his attempt to stop her and made her way to the living room, when she did it took a minuet for what she was seeing to register.  
  
Phoebe was pinned up against a wall, her arm twister behind her back by another officer, this cop was built and able to restrain Phoebe, he was the youngest of the four officers in the room from what Prue could tell. Phoebe was struggling against the officer and shouting. Prue looked from where Phoebe was to the sofa, Where Piper was sitting, a lady officer sitting one side, Piper had her hand up to her face and Jason was sitting next to her; he had his arm around Piper and was looking at Phoebe, sadness plastered on his face along with concern and a hint of anger. Then lastly Prue looked at the state of the room, the mirror was smashed, the table over turned and various ornaments and photographs around the room.  
  
"Miss you need to calm down!" The officer ordered Phoebe as she once again tried to pull free, "Just calm down!" Phoebe thought for a moment and then she took a deep breath, "Fine" she said through gritted teeth, he released Phoebe's arm and allowed her to turn around, "Now ma'am, I need you to calm down." "That bastered hit her, and you're in here telling me to calm down..." Phoebe shouted her voice no less angered and just as loud as before.  
  
Prue turned to the officer near her, "What happened?" The man turned to her, "We got a call, a disturbance. When we got her we found, well...your sisters?" HE asked, Prue nodded, so he continued, "We found Phoebe..." looked down momentarily at his not book to make sure he had the correct names, then he looked up to meet Prue's blue eyes, he saw the concern, "She was laying into Greg, she claims that he hit Piper, and from what I can put together, she lost it and went for him." Prue nodded, and walked into the room, her protective nature taking over she walked over to Piper, Jason saw her approaching and stood up, Prue hugged Jason and then sat where he was, and listened to the officer as she spoke to a visibly shook up Piper, "Piper do you want to press charges?" She asked, Piper stared blankly in front of her, and shook her head, "No!" she said, then she looked at the officer, "No charges please" the officer once again nodded.  
  
Jason walked over to where Phoebe was now sat, the officer was still trying to get a statement from her, "Miss if you don't cooperate then I'm going to have to take you in" Phoebe stood up, "Take me in...what is wrong with you can't you see I'm not the one that needs to be locked up..." "I need a statement and you're not making this easy." Phoebe pushed her hand through her hair, pushing it out her face it reviled a large area on her face that was starting to bruise, "I told you before...I walked into the house, saw him hit my sister so I did what I had to protect her..." she shouted, "Miss you need to sit down and calm down, this isn't helping" "No, this isn't helping. I want to know what's going to happen to him." Phoebe demanded, "It depends...if your sister is going to press charges on him. Miss I can see you are extremely worked up so I am going to ask you to calm down...I'm going to go and find out what is going on out side with him, and when I come back, if you haven't calmed down enough to give me a statement...we'll have to do it at the station." With that the officer stood up and turned walking over to another of the colleges who was talking to Prue previously and spoke quietly, then both left the room walking towards the kitchen.  
  
Phoebe stood to her feet, Jason walked up to her and put his arms around her but Phoebe pulled away, "Don't Jason...Don't" she said quietly, she looked over at Piper who now had Prue's arm around her, she was explaining it all to the oldest and the officer sat next to Piper was just listening.  
  
Phoebe focused in on middle sister; she looked lost, alone, totally crushed. Her face was blanch, she had a cut below her eye that had started to bruise, and her eyes were filled full of unshed tears, due to the shock, it hadn't fully sunk in.  
  
"Are you kidding me...it was an accident...then she comes in and goes totally psycho on me." Greg was been escorted through the manor an officer on both arms, "We are just taking you down the..." Before they could finish he was in the foyer looking in to the living room, he connected eyes with the middle Halliwell sister, then he looked at Phoebe, he smirked, and with that Phoebe lost it and jumped towards him only to find she was struggling against Jason's grip, "That's it hold your bitch back." Greg laughed, "If I see you again you're dead" Phoebe screamed. "Get him out of here!" Another male cop shouted. 


	8. chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
The officer walked over to Phoebe, who was standing next to Jason, she wouldn't let him even touch her, something had really happened to her, something just made her lose it bad, she was ready to kill Greg.  
  
"Miss Haliwell are you ready to do this, or do we need to take you down to the station?" Phoebe looked up at him, "...I have done nothing wrong...I protected my sister...her would have beat her dead." Phoebe shouted, with this Piper stood to her feet, not saying a word she walked over to the youngest, "you were going to kill him" Piper said, Phoebe looked into the lost eyes of Piper, "he hit you, I just reacted" She explained, "You were going to kill him" Piper said once again emotionless, Phoebe looked at Piper again, "I wasn't going to kill him" Piper just turned her back on the youngest, this was a sister that she no longer knew, she turned her back and looked over to the lady officer, "Are we done here?" she asked, "Yeah, if you have anything else then just call me" Piper nodded and with this she turned and walked up the stairs of the Manor, when she was half way she was stopped by the voice of her youngest sister, "He would have killed you!" she tried to move towards her but was stopped by the officer, "We haven't finished here" "I'm not talking to anyone, until I speak to my sister..." Phoebe shouted, Seeing how reluctant Phoebe was to speak Jason tried to calm her down by putting his hand on her shoulder but with the contact Phoebe totally lost it, she swung around, towards him, he was in shock at how she reacted, "Get the hell off me Jason...don't touch me..." "Phoebe..." he attempted but she put her hands up to her head, "I don't feel to..." And with that she collapsed to the floor Jason and Prue both rushed over, Piper also came running down the stairs to her sister's side.  
  
It wasn't long until there was an ambulance tacking Phoebe to SFMH, Piper was driving in her jeep with Prue as Jason accompanied Phoebe.  
  
Was this the end of everything for the youngest the end of a past, the conclusion of a short life... was this the end of a family bond...was this the end of the love between herself and Jason...could she hold on to hear what they really think...really feel or would the chance for that have already past.  
  
You never know when that last chance is...it could very well be when the turn there back or walk out of the door, never to turn back or return.  
  
There was so much that each wanted to say, in there own way they wanted to show just how much Phoebe meant to them, just how much it was that she was loved.  
  
WOULD SHE EVER KNOW? WOULD A CHANCE BE RETURNED...THE LAST CHANCE RETURNED. OR WAS IT OVER? 


	9. chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Prue was pacing the hospital relative's room, she couldn't lose her sister, not now, not after all of this how would she live with out her. Without her baby sister, how?  
  
Piper sat on the chair in the corner, she felt so numb, lost, how was this happening, this morning everything was perfect, her boyfriend was with her and her sisters were all going to spend the weekend together, and within two hours Pipers world felt as if it was crumbling. And the last words she said were so harsh, so angry; as she sat there she realized that it was only he sister looking out for her. She shouldn't have acted like that then maybe she would be sitting at her home with her sisters around.  
  
Jason stood against the wall in the corner, he was just staring into space remembering the morning before, the morning at the beech, it was great, he wanted to do that again, he would give anything to have the day back, and maybe he could have stopped it.  
  
Each were broken out of their thoughts by a knock at the door, They all looked towards except Piper who stayed looking at the floor, the door open and the male officer from earlier popped his head around the door, "Excuse me, Miss Haliwell can I speak to you?" He asked aiming towards Prue, who just nodded and walked out of the room and into the corridor.  
  
"Greg never pressed charges, so we won't need a statement from Phoebe, we have enough from Jason and Greg that proves it was self defense. Greg will stay in the station until he sobers up okay" Prue just nodded, "Tank you office" with that the officer gave her a sympathetic smile, "Sure, so any news on how she is?" He asked, "The doctor should be with us soon, so until then...we know nothing" "I hope everything goes okay for you" He offered, "Thanks."  
  
Phoebe woke up to the whit walls of the small room she lay in; the smell of the cleaning agents was un-mistakable, Hospital. Great she thought, then the days events flooded back into her drowsy mind, an unexplainable serge of anger hit her, she was unable to stop it, she shouted, "Get me out of this place" it was then that the doctor walked through the door into the room, "Miss Haliwell you're awake!" the doctor stated "No shit Sherlock" she shouted back, "What the hell's going on?" she asked, "You collapsed Miss Haliwell..." as he was explaining he noticed Phoebe, who was now sitting up in the bed bring her hand up to her head and pushed it through her brown hair, "Do you have a head ach?" the doctor asked, Phoebe looked at him, "Looks that way" she shot back, "I'll have the nurse give you something, as I was saying, "Your blood sugar was extremely low, have you been eating regularly lately?" he asked, Phoebe looked into his eyes, she couldn't read them he was too professional to expose his thoughts and emotions in his stare, "Doc, you know the answer to that so why bother asking me? I haven't eaten hardily anything for weeks" the doctor nodded and wrote, "When can I get out of here?" She asked, the doctor observed his noted, "Well it looks like you are extremely healthy now that your blood sugar is back to normal again so you, if you promise to take the medicine that I give you, can go home now" Phoebe nodded, "Well come on Sherlock, what are you waiting for, go get them pills" The doctor smiled, "Sure, Miss Hal..." Before he could finish Phoebe spoke again, "Sherlock, call me Phoebe..." he nodded, "Okay then, Phoebe you need to eat regular meals, and take these. I would also like you to come back and see me in two days" she nodded, "Sure..." Phoebe looked at his name tag, he notice this too, it had his name in scripted onto it, Dr. Robin Compton, Phoebe pulled a face and then looked up at him, "How about we keep Sherlock?" She asked, He smiled, "What ever you say Phoebe" "Hay before you go, I don't want you to talk to my sisters just let me handle it." "If that's what you want"  
  
Back in the waiting room the silence was louder than words, each were becoming more and more worked up, "What the hells taking so long, we have been here for over four hours now." Jason shouted, "Calm down, I'll go and see if there is anything they can tell us" Prue said standing up from the chair where she was sat, she walked over to the door, when she opened it, Phoebe was stood there leaning against the doorway, "Hay sis looking for me?" she asked, Prue's face lit up, as she hugged her little sister. At the sound of her voice Piper and Jason stood up and stepped towards her.  
  
"Phoebe!" they both said together, "you're okay..." Jason finished "Looks like it don' it" She said, not really in a sarcastic tone, just in an emotionless tone. "Phoebe I'm so sorry..." Piper said, Phoebe looked over to her, and a smile lit up her face, "Don't be because you were right, I was going to kill him...I was going to kill him after I beat him unconscious. You know why?" Phoebe asked, All three just looked on in shock, "Because I know that isn't the first time he's hit you...Is it?" Phoebe smile dropped, "Told you" she said after her statement was confirmed by the look on Pipers face. "I would have killed him!" With this she turned her back on them all, "Don't think for one minuet I would let him hurt you and get away with it" with that she started walking away. The three in the waiting room looked at each other, Piper fell back to the chair, she held back the tears, Prue looked over to Jason and indicated to go after Phoebe and she would talk to Piper.  
  
Jason ran down the hall way after Phoebe, "Phoebe WAIT!" he shouted, she was right next too the entrance when she hared him but she continued to walk as her breathing was becoming shallow and she felt as her face became hot. She took a deep breath and turned to him once out side pulling her- self together. She smiled, "Hay honey, what's wrong?" she asked, "Pheebs, what's going on?" he asked now stopping in front of her, "What do you mean?" "Before you walked into that waiting room the last thing that I saw was you been pushed into the emergency room unconscious and now you're acting...so different." Phoebe looked at Jason, "Baby there is absolutely nothing to worry about, just low blood sugar. Look I got my pills and stuff..." Jason just nodded, "Fine, but are you sure you are okay?" she nodded, "Yeah, fine would you stop been so..." "Concerned?" Jason shouted back, "Phoebe I...we all thought that you were going to die." "You are so overdramatic..." Phoebe began turning her back on him, "No Phoebe I'm not, I love you so much...don't push me away" he said following her as she walked towards the car. Phoebe didn't say anything she just stood near the car.  
  
"Prue, I loved him...he just used to hit me when he drank too much, it was such a shock today. I thought he was going to kill me, and he would have if it wasn't for Phoebe." "Piper everything's okay now. That loser won't come back...and when we get home well talk about this and get it sorted out" Piper just nodded and followed her oldest sister out of the room.  
  
The walked into the car park and saw Phoebe and Jason, they noticed that something was different, something about how they were acting. When they got closer the two sisters pulled themselves together, Phoebe noticed them get closer and she two had to take a deep breath. "I'll drive..." She said, Prue looked across at the youngest, "Phoebe I don't think that that's..." "Prue I don't care what you think. Just give me the keys to the damn car now!" she screamed, he hands started to tremble and she clenched her fist, Piper really didn't want to argue with her, "Phoebe are you sure you're up to it?" Phoebe shot her a look, "I said I was didn't I. Just give me the keys." With that Piper took them out of her pocket and handed them to her.  
  
Once Phoebe sat in the driver seat, she felt the power that she needed, she felt the freedom. She put the keys in the ignition and started the engine; Jason was sat next to her, Piper and Prue both behind her. Each were worried about the youngest, but the way they saw it, she told them she was fine, and the quicker that they got home the better.  
  
Phoebe lent forward and turned on the radio full blast, then she fiercely dropped the hand break and shot back from the parking space, "Phoebe!" Prue shouted only to be greeted by the laughter of the youngest as she sped from the parking lot of SFMH and onto the main street.  
  
As she continued, her speed increased Prue lent forward, "Slow down Phoebe, what the hell's wrong with you?" "I'm going to show you what a rush feels like..." She screamed back pushing her foot to the floor, "No Phoebe you're going to show up what death Is like if you don't slow down..." "Death Not what they make it out to be...no pearly gates, no floating clouds just death, blackness..." "You're crazy...Pull the car over now!" Piper shouted, "I'm crazy, you never pressed charges did you..." Piper never answered, Phoebe sped the car up, weaving in and out of the traffic, "Did you Piper" once again no answer.  
  
Phoebe swerved taking a sharp corned and cutting across three lanes onto a street of the main inter-state causing cars to break hard and sound their horns. The three in the car were so scared; they were certain they were going to die. "DID YOU?" Phoebe screamed, "NO!" Piper shouted back, it was then that Phoebe halted the car, in a screeching break and laughed, "I should have killed him!" and then she popped open the door and stepped out of the car.  
  
Jason got out of his side and walked around to her, "What the hall was that all about?" he shouted, "Are you crazy?" Phoebe started to laugh hysterically, "Maybe! Why is it scary? DID I SCARE JASON?" Phoebe shouted, "You could have killed us all. Give me the keys. Now." He screamed, Phoebe stopped laughing she looked at the keys and then at Jason, she handed them to him, and then she looked back at the car where Piper and Prue were now standing. "Shit what have I done?" she said, Then she looked at Jason, "It...it's happening again ...Jason it's happening!" Jason saw Phoebe wasn't right, "Phoebe maybe you are just tired and still not felling too good. Let's get you home."  
  
Phoebe was visible shook up and confused, what was wrong with her? What's happening to her? 


	10. chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Phoebe was sat in the back of the jeep, she was so different, and nothing like this morning she was as far away from Jason as possible. He reached out his hand to place it on hers but she pulled away, her eyes fixed on her shacking hand she brought it up to her head and placed her pounding head on it. Jason was extremely conserved as he noticed tears silently role down her face as she rocked back and forth.  
  
"Come on baby, calm down." He tried, Phoebe never spoke just continued to rock back and forth, "Don't tell me what to do!" she said barely audible and then she looked up and screamed, "Don't tell me what to do and how to act...you can't, not now." Jason was taken aback, speechless; he had no idea how to react.  
  
Luckily Prue had just turned onto Prescott Street, she pulled the jeep into the driveway, as soon as it stopped Phoebe got out and walked up to the house mumbling to herself. Jason pushed his hand through his hair and sighed, Prue turned around to him, "what's going on..." she asked, Jason shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I think seeing Greg hit you today piper hit her hard." Piper nodded, "Yeah." "I spoke to the doctor before I came out the hospital, she has low blood sugar that's why she collapsed she hasn't been eating." "What?" Jason asked, Prue looked at the floor, "Jason don't let her know that we know, just watch out for her." Jason nodded, "Do you mind if I go see how she is, or do you want to take it?" he asked, "You go and see I'll make something for us to eat." Piper said, not letting Prue answer, with this Jason nodded and left.  
  
He walked up the stairs of the manor and stopped out side Phoebe's room, he hared her crying and his heart instantly broke, he raped on the door twice and in receiving no answer let himself in, "Pheebs can I come in?" He asked, he saw Phoebe lying on the bed, her back to the door, her body trembled with each passing, heart wrenching cry. He walked over and got onto the bed lying next to her he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as she cried.  
  
Phoebe hared him come in, but when he asked the question she was unsure of the answer, did she want him to see her like that? It was too late, she thought as she felt him lie next to her on the bed. It wasn't until his arms wrapped around her and his hands locked with hers near her stomach that she was sure, she wanted him there, and she needed him there.  
  
After half an hour of this Phoebe's cries subsided, she felt as Jason's protective hold was so strong, they had something everlasting, she knew that and so did he, they had been through so much and they had something that none others had.  
  
She slowly turned to face him, they lay face to face on the bed, he looked into her deep brown eyes they were so scared, so lost. Jason took her hands in his and held them tight to his chest. "Phoebe, talk to me" Phoebe looked into his eyes, "...I don't know what to say" her still fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, "Tell me what's wrong..." "I'm scared...Jason I'm losing it again." Phoebe held his hand tighter, "...today in that car...one minuet I'm okay...and then the next, bang. I lose it, it's like I don't have any control over what I do. It's like something takes over. I don't want it to be like before. I like what I have Know, you and my sisters, I don't want it to be like before." "I won't let that happen! I promise." Jason reassured her, "Phoebe what happened today, why did you collapse. You never told me what the doctor said?" He asked, wanting her to confirm what Prue had told him. Phoebe broke eye contact, "I...it was low blood sugar. It's just...I haven't been eating a lot lately." That was it, Jason now knew that what Prue told him was correct, "Why?" he asked simply; Phoebe placed her head on his shoulder as she turned on her back, he did the same putting his hand behind her neck pulling her close.  
  
Phoebe stayed like this for a few seconds, then she began to talk, "It's the only that I have control over, I just ... wouldn't eat and... each day it got harder, each day I resisted it the stronger I felt because it took strength." She explained. Jason was in shock. He draped his arm across her stomach, "You can talk to me you know Phoebe, stuff like this you don't have to hide."  
  
After a minuet passed, out of the silence that had consumed them, her voice spoke, it was filled with pain and emotion, "I had a dream last night...you asked how I slept and I told you it wasn't good, I had the annual nightmare but after that I had a dream..." she paused for a second and took a deep breath, "It was my mom, she had her back to me, I could see her long brown hair, but when I called to her she turned around and her face was blanch. I couldn't remember what she looked like. I couldn't remember what she looked like..." Jason cut in, "Phoebe, you'll never forget the memories of your mom..." "that's just it..." she explained, "I have none to forget, she died when I was two. I don't remember anything." Phoebe turned on her side resting her head between his shoulder and chest, "I don't know why I just told you that" she said "You can tell me anything. Tell me everything." He replied. Once again there was a moment of silence and like before Phoebe was the one to break the silence. "Do you promise you won't let me lose it?" she asked, "I promise. I love you Phoebe." "I love you to Jas" "Promise me one thing though" he asked, "You will eat properly." Phoebe nodded her head, "Deal" she answered. "And you'll when we wake up with some dinner."  
  
Half an hour later they were still lying in each others arms, Phoebe's arms were open, "Can't sleep?" he finally asked, "Know I ..." she stopped, "Today, I would have killed him, I don't know what came over me. At the beach I was fine but when I saw him hit Piper and kick her over and over I lost it. I love them so much, even when they weren't around before I always loved them." "You just wanted to protect them it's who you are" Phoebe shook her head, "I don't know who I am anymore. Today when I lost it in that car, I'm a different person; I can't control what I do." "Phoebe you know that I'm there for you no matter what but do you think maybe you should tell you're sisters, they can help. Phoebe was once again silent in thought; "Maybe!" she eventually managed.  
  
The sun rose on the manor as the next morning turned around. Phoebe walked out of the shower and back into her room, brushing her hair, where Jason was on the phone, "...yeah, sure. What? Man I can't..." Jason noticed Phoebe walk in, "speak to you later." He put the Phone down, "Who was that?" she asked she was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a tight with t-shirt, she felt a bit better after having a shower just like Jason had said she would.  
  
"Mark. He was wondering if you were going to that party tonight." Phoebe looked at him, "I don't think that's a good idea, what happens if I lose it and try and kill him again. Until I get hold of this, and I'm sure that I'm not going mad no parties for me." Jason nodded his head, and then stood to his feet, and walked around to Phoebe, her wrapped his arms around her waist, "Well, because we didn't go down and eat dinner last night..." "Big breakfast I know" Phoebe finished for him, she looked into his eyes, "Last night I had the best sleep ever, I never had that nightmare, for the first time since the accident, I never had it. I felt so safe." Jason smiled, and pulled her close to him, "You are safe with me" he told her, then he kissed her on the lips, a small kiss that reassured her, he was there. Phoebe smiled, "So what about that breakfast?" she said, he wrapped his arm around her back and walked out of the room towards the kitchen.  
  
Just as Phoebe got to the bottom of the stairs she pulled Jason back, and she took a deep breath, something felt wired. "Are you okay?" he asked, "...yeah just a..." Phoebe couldn't place her finger on it, "You're sister's will be fine. Trust me." Phoebe nodded, "Ready." "Yeah" With this they turned the corner and walked through, Phoebe instantly stopped in her tracks; her hand tightened its grip on Jason's hand and gasped, Piper stood up from the table when she saw Phoebe enter, both of the oldest sisters didn't know how Phoebe would act. "Hello Phoebe" The woman's voice was confident, she had a sympathetic smile on her face. Phoebe never answered, she just looked at the face she used to see as her protector, this woman had brought her up, but now she felt nothing but anger towards her.  
  
"Phoebe, we called Grams at the hospital yesterday..." Prue explained, "...Why? What the hell made you think that I wanted that?" she shouted, It was Piper who now attempted to speak, "Phoebe we thought that you were going to die." Phoebe nodded and then looked back at Penny, "Well, I'm not going to die so you can go back to where ever it is you were" surprisingly her voice was calm.  
  
Penny was extremely taken back by Phoebe's response; she stood to her feet, "Phoebe Marie Halliwell. I'm your grand mother don't speak..." her tone was stern, Phoebe remembered when she respected that voice, feared that tone but today nothing. Phoebe let go of Jason's hand and stepped forward unable to keep herself under control she broke into laughter, "Who the hell are you second naming? You are only here because you thought that I was going to die." Phoebe had a smirk on her face and she looked square into Penny's eyes, he voice rose past a shout, "DISSAPOINTED?" Penny couldn't believe how disrespectful Phoebe was been, "Don't talk to me like that" Penny shouted, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Phoebe shouted louder, looked at the floor "She's trying to tell me what top do." She screamed. "Young lady I have know idea what's got into you but you need to control that temper" Phoebe looked up at Penny, a gleam in her eye, "Control my temper..." Phoebe repeated barely audio able then she screamed, "What temper this on! Don't think you can be here now, and everything can be like before, it can't. I have been through more than you know..."  
  
"Phoebe you are 18 what could you have been through..." Penny asked her voice angered, Phoebe lost it big time, "Firstly I'm 19 going on 20 and how about been responsible for the death of your friends, three attempted overdoses, mental depression, been emotionally messed up, nearly beating mark to death and then nearly knifing Piper's crazed boyfriend yesterday" she stopped and looked into the understandably shocked eyes of penny and screamed, "Have I been through enough..." 


End file.
